My palms are burning from the cold concrete floor. Ty’s punches pushed me to down each time and I blocked the floor with my hands. It has come to a point where my only defence that actually works is cusioning the blows. This torture will not stop, not any time soon. For now I will just have to try my best to get hurt as little as possible.My new approach, I have to try something, it’s what’s keeping me up.

Those were the thoughts reeming through the film of my mind’s eye. Thinking is a part of who I am, I cannot stop even when people around me seem to be dying. Processing is in our DNA, everything is a processes, who we all are now took time to get here and so, the present is a process. It all comes down to the means, life is a means to an end, death. Truthfully, suicide has crossed my mind. One perspective is to just stop my life here and be done with this process. Death is a powerful thing, the fear it holds over many is phenomenal. I am a person who isn’t afraid of death, the unknown holds a sort of challnge and I wish to overcome it. Another is to hope that while living in this body, in this life, right now, and keep going. This isn’t an exponentially irritating conclusion as I find it to be all too common all too comfortable. I have surveyed my life, been a part of a religious group, had relationships that have failed and matured, experienced the love described by many as the only true love but still come out wanting. Leaving this would mean the start of a new one, a completely unknown one. All the possibilites held in that sentence draws me to so called “dangerous thoughts.” Its strange that so many living are happy to reach for ideals that they have conjured up in their own minds, yet death holds no surity, it is the ultimate risk. I would be sure of absolutly nothing, it is not too far off from where I am standing, but I am sure it will give me that new beginngin that I am sure I cannot attain here. The logical thing for most contemplating suicide, would to be making this decison because they wish to get away. While that propsition is mightily appealing, at the moment, making my own decison that will effect my whole life is what I want. I am faced with a choice, I have weighed up my options, and staying in this life has without a doubt been found wanting.

The only reason I have not is that the only thing I have known is this life, this comfort zone. It will pass one day, that is certain, but when, could be my decison.